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Someone I know showed me this book the other day (Love Cards - Robert Lee Camp).  It was one of those: what’s your birthday/ let me tell you about yourself/ coffee table books. Normally those piss me off, because a “typical Pisces” couldn’t be any farther from how I see myself (very general and lame). BUT this one was different. It assigned your birthday with a playing card, apparently it is used as a religious practice, blah, blah, blah…

ANY WAY: I’m the mother fucking ACE OF SPADES.

Let’s talk a little bit about the Ace of Spades (this is all taken out of the book). The Ace of Spades is the ancient symbol of secret mysteries, the most spiritual and most ambitious of all cards. This card has more ability and resources in the spiritual realm than most any other card in the deck, and once one decides to focus on his spiritual walk, many doors, unavailable to most, will be knocked off their hinges. It’s a card of extremes, high motivation, and esoteric mind. Its mission is to find inner peace through a life of purpose and dedication to a higher principle, following a spiritual law of sowing and reaping. At heart, an ace of spades is very loving and giving, with precious dreams of love that await fulfillment. Its most challenging trial lies in the realm of relationships (ain’t that the fucking truth).

As always, self-realization is the challenge. BUT YOU CAN SEE HOW I LOVE THIS BOOK ALREADY! I’M THE ACE OF SPADES!

My belief, since I was a child, was that I could manifest my thoughts through the words I speak. I am modeling my faith after God’s. Why not? if you’re gonna aim high, might as well aim to be like the creator of the universe. Even if you don’t get to where you’re aiming, you still got farther than if you hadn’t aimed at all.

The world is made up of masculine and feminine energies, interacting and evolving in every moment, but always striving for balance. I believe that all theses energies derived from God, and in doing so, God gave us a co-creator status in this world. The Ace’s life is a constant chain of one creation after another. We manifest and create the world that we believe is right. I call those things into existence that I haven’t seen yet. I want to see this world full of purpose, all material possessions aside. It is part of my daily prayer, that the people that are in my life will be inspired by what I do. That they will be encouraged to go and create a life for themselves that is meaningful, fruitful, and pleasing to themselves and ultimately full of LOVE.

I was in India a couple of years back. The village I visited was a terrible place to live, the poverty there was beyond anything I’ve ever seen. This place was gross and desolate. To make matters more difficult, the villagers brought us presents. Here we are, college-aged Americans, dealing with White-people problems, like “what am I gonna be when I grow up?” or “does she like me?,” NOT, “how am I going to survive without food next month when the rice runs out.” AND THIS GUY IS GIVING ME A SODA. It’s hard to take something from someone who has less than you for the sake of hospitality…I fucking hated that. We were all smashed in the face with REAL PROBLEMS. A girl on the trip was crying as she noticed a big realization: being forced to recognize your own ungrateful nature is a shock to the system.

Me: “What are you crying about?”
She: “Because it’s so sad.”
Me: “Don’t worry, I took care of it.”
She: “What do you mean you took care of it?”
Me; “I prayed about it, it’s taken care of.”

The weird thing was that I’ve never, before that moment, felt that strongly about the power of prayer or MY prayer for that matter. I don’t have a long history of making outrageous statements that don’t come true, but when I believe something, I say it. Bold statements always support my bold beliefs. About 4 hours later, an announcement was made in the village: land had been donated for a school to be built. This kind of stuff doesn’t happen in this part of the world. You can’t “walk to raise money for the cause” in this part of the world. There are no “sponsorships” going on there. This place is full of indentured servitude and human trafficking.  So a place that had no hope, all of a sudden, has a chance through education. I know from the bottom of my heart that the prayer that I offered up was used as a conduit for change in that situation. There is no arrogance in this statement. I just know that what I say comes to pass (it’s scary if you think about it).

More from the coffee table book: Ace’s are not known for their capacity for patience, (something I will totally admit for myself). The reason I am not patient is that I have a pressing need to accomplish all that I have to do in this life, and waiting in traffic doesn’t fit into that plan. I have too much of a desire to make something happen. It’s funny because I have been forced to develop my patience A LOT recently.  I have been through quite a bit in the last four months (That’s gonna be a separate blog entry, if you think this one is long… wait till I get started on that one), all of which has made me become soooo patient. I have learned that all of my trials are making me more empathic, a better actor, better in relationships with girls, and a better person. So as always, yet again, “nothing bad ever happens to me”. It’s an intense statement that I’ve spoken over my life, But if you can learn a lesson from everything that happens to you in your life, NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU! It’s all for your growth. Trust has been introduced into my life. I need to trust and commit: in my relationships, career, my own abilities and God’s timing. 

I’ve realized: If it’s not the one that’s in front of me, it’s gonna be better than what’s in front of me… So if its not you, get the fuck out of the way so there is room for what’s better for me to manifest in my life. That’s how I look at things from here on out. It’s the trust that God has my back more than I can even see at any given moment. So if you want something and don’t get it, MOVE ON IN, TRUST.

I constantly feel like I am encouraged to embark on new things, seek out new talents, and move new mountains in this world. I love seeing my dreams go from concept to reality. I am most full of joy when I create something new, when I sing a new note, paint something new, take a great picture (I just bought a 7d BOOM), or when I’m acting a moment more authentic than the last time. Creativity comes from love and love is the most powerful force that is in this realm (love = God)

COFFEE TABLE BOOK says: Despite the Ace’s hurry up attitude, they do have a considerable amount of charm and compassion (if I do say so myself ;)). This, however, is because I don’t like being alone. I just don’t. Why would I want to? I have a great time connecting with people, I love hearing laughter or seeing a smile, and I live for eyes locking at that moment that it becomes so powerful that it’s too hard to turn away. That moment when the sea gets rough and you feel the need to call for “all hands on deck, this is about to get interesting.” I want to run before I walk, I want to wing suit jump off of a mountain, or out of a plane, and I want to do it with someone I love.

Please don’t be afraid of these moments, it will make me sad. The only “regrets” I have in life is when I held myself back from something I wanted, never for taking a chance and failing. I love failures because it brings me one step closer to success (someone smarter than me said that).

I love encouraging people to flap their wings for the first time, to set their hearts on fire. I LIVE FOR THAT!

Communication is becoming the most important thing to me. My most recent relationship taught me the importance of communication. If it’s happening in my life and your life… fucking talk about it. I’m always on the phone with a loved one, answering a text from someone I care about, and trying to encourage a friend. This is how I found my OWN voice, BY TALKING (what a concept!). I live my life without fear of consequences for how I feel.  Not saying something never got me into trouble, but if I have something to say, I FUCKING SAY IT. Now this HAS definitely gotten me into trouble, but I did what I felt had to be done. Some one told me today “You are so open.” That’s because I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to talk about how I feel. I recently told a girl, “hey I’m going though a lot, so you should know such and such about me if we’re gonna get involved.” She couldn’t handle all that was going on with me, so she bailed. I can’t say I blame her (at her age and level of understanding, I would have done the same thing). So there are consequences to being open, BUT YOU WASTE A LOT LESS TIME!


I like going off the grid from time to time. I am self-absorbed, I see myself as Maverick from Top Gun (there’s a reason why I became an actor after all). Nothing means anything in my life if it’s not contributing to me or something greater than myself in a tangible way, I’m a contradiction. I’ve always felt above the rules. I feel I can get away with most, just because I’m me (and that’s not right). I have no time for pseudo spirituality.  From sitting in a church and witnessing hypocrisy to having someone of “consciousness” trying to fight me over a girl, pseudo spirituality drives me nuts and I find it outrageous.… if you’re going to have a strong spiritual view point, you better have some fruit to show for it! Not saying you’ll never mess up. I mess up ALL THE TIME. I just hate people forcing shit on other. This has bothered me since I was a child sitting in a Christian school, watching our “leaders” take harsh stands on what was right and wrong, and inevitably collapsing under the weight of morality that they heaped upon themselves. HOW ABOUT WE JUST BE COOL! SAY BITCH BE COOL!

LOVE THE LORD AND LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. There are only 2 laws Jesus gave and we can’t even abide by those. 

Just try it for one week. I know I can’t do it either, but I’m trying… so bear (or bare not sure of the sp) with me.

SOOOOO why do I tell you all this? Well, I’m right there with you. I am just as fucked up, reactionary, confused, and lonely as you are. So I blog from my higher self, the self that I aim to be, the self that God has breathed his light and love into and given me the power to create. So I am blogging from my issues to your issues, ministering from who I am to who you are. (I hope that not every post will be this heavy ;))

I am the prodigal son seeking to come home to my higher self. And I hope that along the way, I can give you some encouragement to search for your higher self as well.